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"And they just let you sign all these tossers?"
"Practically threw the checkbook at me. Just so long as I didn't buy any Scottish players."
"So what about the others?"
"A few more anagrams. Then there was Bob Rever. It took me ages to find him."
"The Australian?"
"Yes. The only player in any professional league whose first and second names spell the same backwards and forwards."
"What a find!"
"Thank you. I'm very proud of that one."
"What about Zlobtnov Yorovonko?"
"Aye, I slipped up a bit there. You see, with all the others, I took the time to check them out and make sure they were complete duffers. I got lazy with Zlobtnov. I was fucked if I was going all the way to Kazakhstan. I just assumed he'd be useless."
I sucked my breath in through my teeth.
"I know, I know. I could kick myself. There we were plummeting down the league with a team of absolute tossers who couldn't even talk to each other. We had just lost to Raith Rovers at home. Bottom of the League. Only a miracle could save the bastards."
"Zlobtnov Yorovonko."
"Aye Zlobtnov bloody Yorovonko!"
"Eleven goals in four games."
"I know, I know. We missed relegation by one lousy point. If Dunfermline hadn't....well, what the hell!" He leaned back in his chair and sighed, "It passed the time."
We sat in silence for a moment, breathing smoke.
"It was a great plan, Jimmy. Buying our way to relegation. I just had to be careful not to die before I could let the world in on the joke. I don't want to be remembered as a complete prick." I smiled. "Or as you so nicely put it, a crap manager."
We drained our glasses.
"Ah, well," he said and reached for the bottle.
McKean's legacy remains controversial. My interview with him was, of course, ridiculed by my more illustrious colleagues, although it is still a favourite topic for discussion amongst experts in pubs. Mainstream opinion is sharply divided. One side takes the view that McKean was nothing other than a crap manager. The other side, whose adherents include many of the most respected observers of the game, considers him a visionary, credited with introducing the fast paced Kazakh style to the Scottish game, restructuring a stale Rangers set-up with an infusion of fresh talent (who would have guessed Zoltan Vinnega and Bela Sfronty would have blossomed as they did after a shaky start?) and laying the foundations for Ranger's triumph in this year's European Champions' Cup. This latter view would seem to be the accepted version at Ibrox, where a new refreshment stand has been named McKean's Pantry, and the great man's photo hangs between Scott Simon and Wil
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