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The main gist of the leadership advice offered by the people at www.apocalypsey2k.com was the need to prepare those who will occupy your shelter with you for what will occur. "A thorough explanation of all factors for survival before the apocalypse will yield great dividends in team cohesion post Y2K. Involve all members in the preparations and discuss fully what is expected of them. Assigning duties and responsibilities now will help them feel involved and committed."
I was unable to find anything about fixing air conditioners, which did not figure amongst the items listed as essential for survival on any of the Y2K sites. I mentioned this to Margaret when I phoned her at her mother's. After a few remarks which left me with the feeling that it was going to take some pretty intensive work on the psychological factors before Margaret could properly be called involved and committed, she gave one of her sighs and said, "For God's sake, Jack, what could be more essential than an air conditioner?"
I saw my chance. "Soap."
"Soap?"
"Yes, it's essential, and it's vital to make sure we have some if the socio-economic infrastructure collapses." Here was my opportunity to involve her in the preparations by assigning her a responsibility. The team cohesion thing. "I've decided to put you in charge of soap." There was silence from the other end of the phone. I continued. "Now you'll need to make sure that we have an ample supply of lye and coconut oil."
"What the hell's lye?"
"Well....I'm not quite sure exactly, but it's an essential ingredient in soap. It says so on the website. Lye and coconut oil. It's quite clear about it. We won't just be able to run down to K-Mart, you know." I chuckled ironically. "There won't be a K-Mart. Not as we know it, anyway."
"Why not just stock up on soap?"
"What?"
"Surely it would be easier to stock up on soap than on coconut oil and that lye stuff."
I gave this a few seconds thought. "Hmm. Maybe you're right." I could see I had been right to put her in charge of soap. I seemed to be getting the hang of this leadership thing pretty quickly.
The weather had changed by the next morning, with a cool wind carrying a hint of an early fall. Ralph was wearing a tough combat jacket as he worked on his truck. He was changing a tire that the squirrel had been standing in front of the day before. The bullet had made a terrible mess of the tire and I shuddered to think of what would have been left of a less agile squirrel. He was not in a good mood. I handed him the jack.
"Damn squirrels!" he said, panting. Ralph is not in great shape. He bent over to attach the jack and as his pants slid down over his buttocks, I noticed that his underpants too were camouflage. I was reflecting that, if he intended to conduct military maneuvers in his underpants, he would have to paint his legs green and brown too, when I happened to glance into the back of his truck and noticed that it was full of toilet paper. There must have been about two hundred rolls of it. All different kinds. Most was the cheap store brand, but there was some Cottonelle and even some top of the range Kleenex.
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