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FOOLS' PARADISE

THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED. WORDS NOBODY SAID.

FORBES FLUNKS POP QUIZ

Wooly-brained Republican Presidential hopeful Steve Forbes failed to impress recently when surprised by a reporter's impromptu pop quiz. The publisher and man of the people struggled when asked to name three jobs that real people do. He was also caught out when asked

Forbes: "surprised."

for one good reason why anyone in their right mind would vote for him.

GORE INVENTS FAX MACHINE

Vice President Al Gore recently announced a startling new invention, which he hopes will give him the edge in the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination.
In his White House Office, the Vice President recently demonstrated his invention to a select group of reporters.
The fax machine is a sophisticated but user-friendly device which makes it possible to send a message to almost any location in the People's Republic of China at the touch of a few but

A fax machine, yesterday

tons.
Mr. Gore has pledged to work to ensure that every school in the nation is connected to the fax superhighway by the year 2004.

Sports
1999 SPORTS

1999 was an exciting year for sports.
Groups of very tall African Americans ran several feet to place a ball in a string and metal container, before handing the ball to another group of tall African Ameri

cans, who did the same. This was repeated thousands of times around the country.
Meanwhile dozens of rednecks in gaily painted cars drove very fast in circles, occasionally enlivening the occasion by colliding with each other.

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