Home

More News That's Not

Fools' Paradise Style with Martha Stewart

Poets' Corner

"For an analysis of the results, its over to our special correspondent, Mick Raker at the celebration party at the Bagdhad Hilton.
Mick, while Saddam's victory was widely expected, do you think anyone could have predicted this margin?"

"Um, yes."

"Interestingly there was not a single vote for George W. Bush. What are officials there making of that?"

"Well, they're taking that as vindication of their policies and a tribute to the multi-billion dollar anti-hanging-chad defense system, which was installed last year, in defiance of United Nations sanctions. There was one scary moment however, when a voter just outside Basra appeared to have accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan. The issue was quickly resolved, when the government was able to prove that the voter was in fact dead."

"There were some rumors that Al Gore was asking for a recount in several crucial oasis constituencies. Any news of that?"

"No. There was no mention of that at the victory party tonight here at the Bagdhad Hilton."

"Tell us about that party, Mick. What's the mood there?"

"Well, it's a glittering occasion attended by all the elite of Bagdhad society, including no less than four Saddam Husseins. We've had Bedouin Saddam, Tyrolean Hat Saddam, Saddam on a Horse and a brand new, never-before-seen Frogman Saddam.

All smiles at the celebration party at the Bagdhad Hilton.

Insiders, speaking off the record over dishes of sheep's eyes and the local delicacy of ground-up dissidents, known as 'been kurds,' are attributing their victory to hard work, a powerful message and having nobody else on the ballot."

"And what are Mr. Hussein's plans for the next few days?"

"Well, first it's some well deserved r & r down at the Euphrates beach before turning out in a charity soccer match in support of weapons of mass destruction."

"Well, thanks very much, Mick. Better let you get back to those sheep's eyes."

"Thanks Ron."