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THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED. WORDS NOBODY SAID.

BAGHDAD ROCKS TO SANCTIONS-BUSTING BEAT

In the most dramatic indication yet that international sanctions are crumbling, Iraqi authorities have organized a gigantic rock concert in downtown Baghdad. A spokesman confirmed that the concert will be an international event, with the participation of top name rock bands from throughout the world. Only the British and US governments are refusing to let musicians from their countries participate. The spokesman insisted that this in no way undermined the importance of the event.
"Just look at the line-up. The fact that we can put together a show like this sends a clear message to those sons of camels, the so-called Mr. Bush and Mr. Blair."   

THAT BAGHDAD ROCK CONCERT LINE-UP IN FULL

  • Those Danish people who sang the song about Barbie
  • The South Yemen All-Star Polka Band
  • Some French Geezer
  • Yasser and his Salsa Kings
  • Several Arab Guys Whining Through Their Noses

IF YOU'RE GOING
Don't

CHINA DEMANDS APOLOGY FROM TIBET

Chinese authorities have demanded an official apolgy from the people of Tibet for 50 years of brutal repression. A spokesman in Peking claimed that for several thousand years Tibetans have been breathing Chinese air without first obtaining official permission.
It appears that the Chinese demands are meeting with some success. Last week, two Tibetans in a jail outside Lhasa expressed their "profound regret" for hanging from their thumbs for three days and accepted  full responsibility for the death of a Chinese policeman who burnt to death after accidentally setting fire to his trousers with a lighter he was using to roast their feet.

Peking - A hard line.

At the Movies (1)
The Brigadier General takes time out from reviewing to appear in TV's "The Weakest Link."

At the Movies (2) Special Report
Inside the Making of "The Patriot.

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