POPE ALMOST APOLOGIZES...AGAIN

Vatican City: Following the generally favorable reception of his recent expression of regret for the conduct of the Catholic Church towards Jews, the Pope was at it again this week, almost apologizing to a variety of individuals and groups in what is seen as an attempt to take his popularity to new heights.

In a ceremony at the Vatican, attended by leading Cardinals and cheering crowds, he expressed profound regret for an incident in Cracow in 1923, when he stole a potato from classmate Stanislaw Lepski's lunchbox.  Mr. Lepski, who was present, was visibly moved. However, he expressed some disappointment that the Pope's statement stopped short of a formal apology.

"John Paul has done more than any other church leader in confronting the issue of lunchbox pilfering, but it would have meant so much more, if he had said 'Sorry Stanislaw. I shouldn't have taken that potato. I knew you loved potatoes, but I still took it. That's just the kind of sneaky little guy I used to be before I became Pope.' I think we'd all have respected him more if he had said that." 

POPE APOLOGIZES

Chicago: Mr. Eddie Pope, owner of Pope's Auto Repair in the Elk Grove area of Chicago yesterday offered an unreserved apology for the conduct of himself and many members of his staff, which brought shame upon the whole institution of "Pope's Auto repair." Reading from a prepared statement, Pope said:
"The horrible crimes carried out in the name of auto repair were not the work of true believers, but we all must bear some guilt. We all knew what was going on. When customers were robbed and raped, we did nothing."

Eddie Pope - a sorry mechanic

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