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"Difficult? Im-bloody-possible! So I had to get more imaginative. That's when I signed Bela Sfronty."
"Hungary's second worst footballer. After Zoltan."
"Indubitably. But one of the best anagrams playing in Europe today." He looked at me, eyebrows raised. I shrugged.
"Y Fronts. You know I tried to sign his brother too? I wanted a pair of Y Fronts in defence."
"To control the high balls in the middle."
"That's the spirit. Here." He filled my glass to the rim.
"And they just let you sign all these tossers?"
"Practically threw the checkbook at me. Just so long as I didn't buy any Scottish players."
"So what about the others?"
"A few more anagrams. Then there was Bob Rever. It took me ages to find him."
"The Australian?"
"Yes. The only player in any professional league whose first and second names spell the same backwards and forwards."
"What a find!"
"Thank you. I'm very proud of that one."
"What about Zlobtnov Yorovonko?"
"Aye, I slipped up a bit there. You see, with all the others, I took the time to check them out and make sure they were complete duffers. I got lazy with Zlobtnov. I was fucked if I was going all the way to Kazakhstan. I just assumed he'd be useless."
I sucked my breath in through my teeth.
"I know, I know. I could kick myself. There we were plummeting down the league with a team of absolute tossers who couldn't even talk to each other. We had just lost to Raith Rovers at home. Bottom of the League. Only a miracle could save the bastards."
"Zlobtnov Yorovonko."
"Aye Zlobtnov bloody Yorovonko!"
"Eleven goals in four games."
"I know, I know. We missed relegation by one lousy point. If Dunfermline hadn't....well, what the hell!" He leaned back in his chair and sighed, "It passed the time."
We sat in silence for a moment, breathing smoke.
"It was a great plan, Jimmy. Buying our way to relegation. I just had to be careful not to die before I could let the world in on the joke. I don't want to be remembered as a complete prick." I smiled. "Or as you so nicely put it, a crap manager."
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